I am drowning
rogue waves are hitting the rocks of my spine
cutting it open
unearthing the bony structures of my selves
buried underneath an aqueous shell

I am drowning
weighed down by the pasts that were not mine
stored in my bones
ancient     heavy

violently intruding
the waves are eating away at my salted wounds
now exposed
carefully carving out the festering lesions
washing off the marks left by patriarchy’s cruel grip

the shores of my body begin to blur
the sea is forcing me to face my true form
permeable and fluid
a body of water in a body of water

overflowing     I am allowing myself to drown
held together by my selves
past and present

the deep unknown     feared by many     swallows me whole
absorbed by darkness     my body knows no boundaries
where do I begin?
where do I end?

a body in a body in a body
of water
no longer disconnected
a bond is forged
between former and future selves
embracing the current

I am drowning     calmly
knowing I will emerge from the waters again
I am drowning     calmly
knowing I am but mine

an endless body of water
birthing itself again and again
a pearl white lily in a round silver vase
watered by both tears of joy and sorrow
I am but mine

Text und Bild: Noémie Jäger